As parents we have many aspirations, expectations, goals, hopes and dreams for our children. One of such is the hope that they will be an honest person. Along with that hope comes the responsibility of teaching them about honesty and lying. And, if we are honest with them we tell them that everyone lies at some point in their life, but if they do find themselves in a situation where they have lied they should fess up, apologise and make amends whenever possible. We teach them that lying is wrong and you should be honest. We teach them that lies can carry consequences such as hurt feelings, lost trust, damaged relationships, and possible legal trouble. Then we teach them that if they do lie it can lead to telling more lies to cover up the first lie, making up elaborate details to explain the lie, and maybe even asking others to lie for you. Inevitably we catch them in a lie and watch and hear them do all the things we told them not to. Then when we call them out on it, they see first hand how it all works and how wrapped up in it they can get. Then comes the consequences, apologies, and making up. Then (and here comes the good part) they catch us in a lie (uh oh) and we have to explain ourselves and hopefully apologise. And that leads me to my point.
While we're having all this teaching, learning and experiences with our children about lying, Christmas time rolls around and the first thing we tell them is that some guy named Santa is going to bring them gifts on Christmas Eve if they are good. We tell them elaborate details about his appearance, his reindeer and his workshop. This will suffice at first but then come the questions:
How do reindeer fly? Cover lie #1
How does he get down the chimney? Cover lie #2
How does he make all the toys? Cover lie #3
What about the people that don't have chimneys? Cover lie #4
Where is his workshop? How does he go all over the world in one night? How does he know when I'm awake/sleeping? And the list goes on. We even get our friends and family to join in on the deception with a few lies of their own. So ultimately we do all the things we teach them not to do and that are wrong and we do it year after year and the worst part is, we make it fun. Fun for us and fun for them. Now you may be thinking, but that's part of the "Magic" of Christmas. Let me ask you this. When was the last time you were lied to and found out and then thought "oh but that was magical".
What's the harm in it? The harm in it is that our children learn more by example than explanations, more by our actions than our words. So, what are we teaching them here. Lying is ok if we make it fun, cover it up as much as you can, bring in others to help you out, and stick it out till the very end and then don't apologise but laugh it off instead. Not a good example at all.
Another thing is that I've heard many children express their almost inexpressible love for Santa, their gratefulness, their appreciation for what he does and their admiration for him. Where does this come from? From the lies we've told them about him and the gifts that they have received from "him". This love and admiration is misplaced. They should be directing that love and admiration to you the parents and family. They should be placing their hope and trust in you for presents on their lists. They should want to be good for you because you are there to care for them and in turn do good things like Christmas gifts for them. Once the truth is found out it's usually too late or forgotten to redirect those important connections and emotions that they felt for someone who didn't even exist to the ones who really should be receiving it. Also the time that those connections should have been made would've been building stronger bonds and relationships and that is something that cannot be recaptured and there we have the most dire of the Christmas lies consequences. Lost love, hope, connection, and bonding at an important age. Instead they get lies and deception and a nonexistent Santa gets the love and respect that should be going to the parents.
If you tell your child that there is a Santa Clause I think you should stop now, tell them the truth, apologise and ask for forgiveness (the younger your child the better). Then have fun with your Christmas traditions in a new way with you getting the love and admiration of your children during this time of year instead of a fairy tale. You can treat Santa as just part of the Christmas fun like you would Mickey Mouse, Spider-Man, or Dora the Explorer but not a real person that brings them gifts. I have 2 girls and I love getting the hugs and love from them during Christmas. I would never want to differ that to some make believe Santa. I also believe it builds trust knowing that we didn't even lie to them about Santa and I believe that will stick with them as they get older.
Oh, and don't forget about the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy too.
Let me know your thoughts on telling your children about Santa.
